


Saying It

by knittyknicker



Series: Speaking [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Coda, Gen, mentions of past underage rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2012-06-05
Packaged: 2017-11-06 23:16:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knittyknicker/pseuds/knittyknicker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony finally tallks to the team</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying It

**Author's Note:**

> I got enough feedback requesting some kind of convo between Tony and the team, so this ended up being written. I hope it's what you were looking for. Thanks for all the support and love, you people are AWESOME!

It took a week to remove the visible reminders of that day from the mansion. The windows took the longest, as smart glass wasn't something that most glaziers kept on hand and certainly not in the quantities Tony needed. Thor certainly seemed to enjoyed the new entertainment center that was installed but he always looked at Tony sheepishly before surrendering the remote whenever they used the room together. 

In a lot of ways nothing changed. Tony still joked and flirted and walked the line between charming and obnoxious. He still fought beside his team and managed to irritate Fury into growling at him on a near daily basis. But as the time passed and Tony never made a move to bring up what had happened, he began to notice how things were different.

Where his teammates use to have no problem piling together for movie nights, now Tony found himself more often than not sitting in one of the armchairs. Natasha usually waved it away with a remark about the glare from his reactor, but it hadn't been a problem before. He also noticed that Thor and Steve were always on their way out of the gym when Tony went in looking for someone to spar with. Even Clint seemed to be more careful about the comments he made, making their banter feel stiff and clumsy. Bruce was the only one who didn't treat him any differently, but considering that he spent twenty hours of every twenty four locked up in his lab, Tony didn't find it all that helpful.

~~~

Finally after more than a month of feeling isolated and desperately missing the casual touches that he had come to expect from his teammates, Tony has finally reached his snapping point. Girding his metaphorical loins, he brings it up that night after dinner. 

"You guys need to stop treating me like I'm suddenly made of glass. Yeah, that day was shitty and it took me totally by surprise, but you don't have to treat me like I'm gonna break. I appreciate that you're trying to be sensitive but you're just making everything feel awkward and wrong. If I have an issue, I'll work through it like I usually do."

Steve frowns, shifting in his seat. “So can we ask about it or are you just making a request?”

“You can ask, but I can decide not to answer.”

“Fair enough.”

“So, who’s kicking this off?”

Natasha pokes up two fingers and inquires, “Are there certain things that will set you off again?”

“Triggers? Yeah, a few. Obviously that phrase is a pretty big one, but I manage OK since how often do I make people proud, right? Handing me things is out, especially drinks. If you do make me something to drink, set it down near me and that should be fine. I can handle being handed things by women sometimes, but guys? No, no way. Pinning me down with my hands under my chest is a pretty big deal, so let’s avoid that one, but as far as I can remember, those are the biggies.”

Clint asks “How likely are you to panic if you get pinned during a fight?”

“Pretty likely, but I’ll just zone out and fight to get loose. I don’t go catatonic anymore.”

“Any more?”

“Yeah. One of the benefits of several years of therapy while I was at MIT. Desensitization, cognitive, talk, all that jazz. Best expenditure of my father’s fortune I ever made.” Clint nods at the news, gaze unfocused as he factors in the new information.

Thor speaks next, his normally booming voice surprisingly quiet. “Is it common, what happened to you?” 

“No, not common, but it happens more than people admit. Something like less than 10% of reported rape victims are male, but really, there are likely more who just never speak up. I ended up being one of the unreported ones since by the time I got away, I just wanted to stay gone, not get dragged into a messy public court case over something that couldn’t be fixed. The one I really wanted to see punished for it was dead.”

“Your father?”

“Yeah. I still wonder what would have happened if they hadn’t died in that crash.”

“Friend Tony, I am most heartily sorry for all of the pain you suffered. If it were up to me, your father would have been publicly punished in the most painful manner allowed under our laws.”

“Well... thanks? I mean, it would have been nice to know that he didn’t get away clean, but it still wouldn’t have fixed me. What he did was fucked up on a lot of levels and still affects me, but I wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t happened and I have to remember that when things get rough. Plus, having you all here helps keep me from wanting to dwell.”

Bruce waves his hand when Tony asks if he’d like clarification on anything , saying he gets it without adding any more clarification than that and Tony recalls what Bruce had grown up with. The two men nod at one another, sharing a moment of silent understanding, and then Tony looks at Steve.

Steve stares at the table top, scraping a gouge into the grain with his nail. He speaks slowly, never looking up from the wood he’s marking.

“I feel like I should apologize for not realizing what kind of man he was. I knew him before and he never struck me as someone who could be capable of doing something so horrific. I can’t help but wonder if part of his reason for becoming such a monster was because of me. If it was, and my circumstances had anything to do with what happened, I am so so sorry. I’d take it from you if I could.”

“But you can’t and blaming yourself is pointless. I’ve figured out that the goal for me wasn't to forget what happened. I didn’t want or need a clean slate. For me, it was about rising in spite of the crap life shoveled over me. _That ___was what gave me the determination to survive a filthy cave in Afghanistan, _that ___was what made me fight to create a whole new element while I was dying and _that ___is what makes me want to climb out of bed every single morning to spend another day keeping myself and the people who care about me healthy and alive. If that is what I’m able to take away from a shitty situation, then so be it. I’ll do just fine.”

~~~

Things get better after that. Natasha drapes herself over his lap during the next movie night and Thor invites him to spar again. Clint goes back to being crude and they finally rediscover their equilibrium. 

There are new things too. Bruce spends more time out of his labs, mainly with Tony, but there is a level of comfort between the two that speaks of shared experiences that neither really want to talk about. Tony brings it up only once, offering to listen, but Bruce justs shakes his head before turning back to his beaker of chemicals. 

Steve stays distant the longest, and it takes Tony tackling him in the hallway outside of the bedrooms to get him to open up and admit what’s wrong. Steve admits that he just can’t let go of the guilt and Tony rolls his eyes before tugging the soldier to his feet, dragging him down the hallway to his room and stuffing a couple of well read paperbacks into his hands. 

A week later, Steve finds Tony alone in his lab and stands quietly, waiting for the genius to look at him. When he does, Steve slides the books across the table and smiles a slow, shaky smile. When Tony reads the sentiment conveyed in the curve of Steve’s lips, his shoulders relax and finally, after a month and a half of stilted conversation and awkward shuffling and stupid excuses, Tony is pretty sure that everything is gonna be just fine.


End file.
